I haven’t tried this one yet.

I just got back to New York and I’m about to start sampling new clubs. You know what this means?

NEW STRIPPER NAMES ARE A-BREWIN’!

I’ve exhausted so many in the past two years (my two-year stripper-versary is fast approaching, y’all) and I need a new one.

So, naturally, I’ve consulted the internet, in addition to a handful of real-life friends. After a litany of concepts stemming mostly from advanced calculus and organic chemistry, I was able to extract the perfect formula to determine my next stripper alias.

THE NAME OF YOUR CHILDHOOD PET + THE STREET UPON WHICH YOU GREW UP

I contacted my nearest and dearest, and the only ones who responded to my text message riddled me this:

Whiskey Park

Rosie Rainy

Pamper Pratt

Prissy Morgan

Sammy Quinn

Sally Waterbury

Do I have a sexy group of friends or what? It has to be said that none of the aforementioned people are (to my knowledge) porn stars or strippers, but, given the brilliance of each breath of poésie, don’t you think they should consider a career change? It IS the recession, after all.

So what the fuck is my new stripper name, then?

CHULLA FUCKIN’ DIXIE

Of course, I didn’t name my cat ‘Chulla Fuckin’ and the street I grew up on wasn’t Fuckin Dixie Road, although I’m sure I may have heard my pa call it that at one time or another. Y’all know I just like to swear to add some fucking emphasis to what I’m saying.

CHULLA DIXIE

What do you think? Is it a keeper? What is your stripper alias?

www.thesapphicstripper.com