So you’re not working?

No, not really. Well, I will be, soon.

You’re writing?

Yes.

All day?

I try to.

Do you have any friends in this new city?

No, not really. Well, one, maybe. There’s this guy at the burrito place around the corner. He always gives me extra hot sauce without charging…

What do you do all day?

I start work again tomorrow. I’m excited!

But, what have you been doing for the past three weeks?

Well, For the first week, I was hungover.

For the second week, I was writing, all day, every day.

But I think I was being too productive for my own good, so I discovered online shopping. That’s what I’ve been doing for the past week.

Since moving to America, my ‘look’ didn’t seem to sell as well as it had in other countries. Contrary to what you see in my photograph of a wolf in sheep’s clothing, my hair is actually significantly more coiffed than that. And my american clients don’t seem to be into it.

“You look like Peter Pan,” my manager told me one day.

I LOVE PETER PAN. He is my childhood hero, second only to Pippi Longstocking. As much as I love their sartorial aesthetic, there don’t seem to be many porn films with characters who look like either of my aforementioned idols (feel free to correct me if I’m wrong. I’m not much of a porn-watcher.)

Anyway, since it’s my job to look like a porn star, I had to consider other alternatives.

I decided to see what it would be like to have a hairpiece that didn’t look like complete shit, and, well, THIS arrived at my doorstep this morning:

Who doesn’t LOVE getting mail? I don’t have a metre stick lying around, so I can’t actually show you how big this fucking box is. It’s BIG. I open it. Inside this very large box is one very small item that just might change my life forever:

I’m going to name her Jessica Simpson. I think I’ll just call her ‘Jessie’ for short. Anyway, we are in love. She sits atop my head, swishing and flipping about and I think tomorrow we’re going to make a really big splash on the New Mexican stripper scene. Wish us luck!

www.thesapphicstripper.com