Of course, the New Year means that everyone is fighting off their hangovers and trying REALLY. HARD. to keep their vices (read: topless titty shakers) at bay.

This means that while at work, I have lots of time to scribble in my notebook, just like Harriett the Spy.

If these goals seem derivative, stop reading. If you’re stoked, please share with me your inspiring cuntfabulousness and we will all live happily ever after just like in Boys on the Side.